Guest Post: Do not take it personally!

By Carla Van Walsum

Really?  No one to blame? Is it THEIR stuff?

Do not take it personallyOne of the tools that contributes to personal happiness is this quote from Don Miquel Ruiz: “Do not take it personally!”

It is a very simple phrase that contains much wisdom. As adults we can choose to relearn communication, free of blaming, manipulation and guilt trips. We can choose to awaken and practice kindness, compassion and loving acceptance in our thoughts and behavior. We reframe our conscious mind with clarity, undo and release habitual thinking patterns stored in our Epigenetics, our “emotional DNA”, and we become aware of the energy of words.

We learn to shift gears if we tell ourselves that we do not take it personally when someone brings us out of balance, hurts or blames us. On top of that we learn to honor our needs. The compassionate model of Non-violent Communication /Crystal Clear Communication that I teach couples and families supports the clear observation which includes no criticism, comparison nor judgment.   To identify ones feelings as a response to unmet needs makes that one takes responsibility for his own unmet needs, instead of putting that on the lap of another person.  That means that you first have to become more aware of what feelings and what needs are connected.

 “Do not take it personally” suggests how to deal with criticism, blame or whatsoever when someone sheds and projects their triggered baggage on you.  It’s their stuff, not yours…Let it go.

We have been raised in a world where everything had to be taken very personally because that’s how the world raises kids. “If you don’t do as I, your parent or teacher want you to do or to behave, then I am getting angry, unhappy and I push you, my child, away, punish you or worse.” “We deny love and affection because YOU are the one that makes us angry”.  “You make me unhappy!”  (Isn’t that showing up again in our intimate relationships?)...(cont.)

Read the full post,  by Carla Van Walsum, “Wellness in Recovery: Stress,”  HERE.