How To Get Paid What You’re Worth – Part 3

How To Get Paid What You're Worth – Part 3Thoughts can hold you back – especially the ones you repeat and the ones you’re not aware of thinking. Working on your mindset pertains to your value, and how to convey that to potential clients. In this article we’ll take a look at 3 steps you can take to improve your mindset so you can get paid what you’re worth.

Step One: Finding Your Mindset Traps

Coaches are just as susceptible as their clients when it comes to those insidious mindset glitches and traps. Time to do some house cleaning and find the thoughts that are holding you back.

First of all, make sure you own a growth mindset rather than one that is fixed and set. Be aware of the possibility for growth in every area – especially those you consider yourself already an expert in, as well as the areas where you’re sure you will never be able to grow.

Dr. Carol Dweck talks about the importance of having a growth mindset in her powerful, ten-minute TED talk, “The Power of Believing That You Can Improve”.

She is applying it to the area of teaching children, but her observations and examples of the effect of changing negative messages with the two little words, “not yet”, is a potent reminder of the power of words.

You can apply a similar strategy to banish stubborn thoughts that keep you stuck by re-framing negative self-talk that begins with statements like “I can never”, “I can’t”, “I’m no good at”, et cetera, to “How can I do this?”

In fact, you may have even given your own clients similar exercises! Now it’s time to sit down and do those exercises for yourself.

A growth mindset sees problems as challenges, whereas a fixed mindset sees them as the end of the road. Failure.

  • Where in your own thinking have you sabotaged yourself with fixed-mindset thinking?
  • What fixed thoughts do you need to change back to a growth model?
  • What do you find yourself still saying, “I can’t” to?

Your answers will act as indicators to tell you where you need to do mindset work next.

Step Two: Banish Toxicity without more drama

It’s a well-known maxim that you can’t change other people, you can only change yourself, and there are indeed times even in the best coach’s life that this holds particularly true. We’ve all got people in our own lives who take up time, drain our energy, and create drama.

It’s easy for books to say, “Get rid of toxic people”, but in real life, that’s not so effortlessly done. The spouse that continually sabotages your finances might be absolutely wonderful in other ways, and the love of your life. Your mother might be the parent from hell but, hey, she’s your mom: Cutting her out of your life entirely isn’t going to happen.

So, if you don’t want to cut people out completely, here are three ways to banish the toxicity without adding to the drama or casting yourself as the villain (something toxic people are good at making you do).

  1. Model it.

The best way is to stop trying to change the other party: Work on improving yourself. Focus on moving forward, no matter how much they are affecting you. For example, if a depressed spouse won’t get help, make sure you do.

  • Find a support group
  • Get your own counseling or therapy
  • Go ahead with positive plans
  • Practice self-care

People who are depressed live in fear. They don’t want to move out of their comfort zone (except it’s really a DIScomfort zone), so they will in all likelihood feel threatened by your moving on. They don’t want you to go to your support group. They’ll complain if you take a weekend off from seeing them – in fact, they may even be genuinely frightened – but you can’t let their limitations become yours.

Reassure them that you do care, but put the ball back in their court. “Do you have a plan for what to do if you get too upset while I’m away for the day? Let’s sit down, and I’ll help you make one”, is one approach.

Every case is different, of course, but it’s like the famous example of parents on a plane needing to put their own oxygen on before attempting to get oxygen on their child: You’re no good to someone suffocating if you don’t put on your own oxygen mask first. Same principle!

  1. Identify your boundary leaks.

Where are you giving away your power? Why are you doing that? If this is something you can identify easily, sit down and make a list.

If you genuinely don’t know, perhaps it’s time to take an assertiveness course, read a good boundary book, or get some counseling or coaching on the topic.

First, identify any specific problem areas. Do you only have boundary problems with certain family members? With clients? With everyone? Whichever area you define as a problem area, that’s the one to focus on first.

Don’t put up with toxicity and boundary invasions any longer. It’s up to you to tell people how you feel and take responsibility for changing the way you respond.

  1. Use negative emotion as a barometer for what you need to work on.

You may have all sorts of tricks for calming your own emotions during a difficult interchange: Taking time to breathe, repeating a mantra, forcing yourself not to immediately react, acknowledging your feelings, and forgiving yourself for having them.

But if you want to prevent things from getting there in the first place – particularly with clients who tend to get angry – change your focus to solution-oriented questioning: Because you can bet your booties they’re coming from a background where blame was king.

If you’ve ever worked at a nine-to-five job you may have seen this demonstrated in the workplace: One company will develop a toxic culture based on blame, which generates excuses, and another company will focus on identifying a problem and finding the best solution. So, why, then, do we sometimes have such a hard time when others bring emotion and excuses to the table? Perhaps because what triggers them sets off hidden triggers in ourselves.

Explore this side of negative emotion. Ask yourself why you accept clients who are prone to negativity or anger. Sometimes the answer can be as simple as you think it is: But sometimes the answer can be surprising – like the coach who finally realized she was trying over and over again with each difficult client to heal the relationship between herself and her late father – a man who had been a bully. She had unresolved issues. She realized, at last, that she needed to take the time to deal with these issues and seek closure through therapy – not by turning her angry male clients into surrogate father figures.

After this epiphany, her whole client attraction process changed, and she was no longer ‘stuck’ in trying to replay a no-win scenario. She moved on to an equally challenging but far more enjoyable client demographic.

Step Three: Four Mindset techniques that foster growth

Which mindset techniques you have not discovered or adopted yet? Which areas of your coaching life are you taking for granted and thinking you’ve got this area covered?

Don’t be afraid to try new techniques or models when it comes to coaching. It’s as important for you to step out of your (coaching) comfort zone as it is for your clients to do so. When we step out of our safe spots, that’s when creativity sparks, epiphanies occur, and feelings of accomplishment reward rising to new challenges.

Let’s look at four specific ways to dust off your habitual mindset techniques:

  1. Do you use the GROW model?

This method of coaching has always been popular with executive coaches and forms the basis of many business coaching practices. Time to turn it on yourself!


First, set a measurable, tangible goal – something you want to overcome, do, or achieve.

(TIP: Look to responsibilities or tasks you keep putting off or things you respond to with, “Someday”.)


This stage is all about assessment:

·       Where you are now?

·       What steps have you already taken?

·       What’s stopping you from moving forward… or beginning the journey?

·       What can you do differently?


Brainstorm ways to make it happen or see it differently.

·       What’s your next or first step?

·       What is the challenge here that you’re most afraid of?

·       Is there anyone who can help you get past that? Who are you discounting in your life?

·       If you could do anything you like right now, would you move toward this? What would you do?


Assuming you want to proceed, brainstorm how you can get past your usual sticking point and visualize success by asking yourself the following:

·       What is the best step for moving forward right now?

·       What are the chances of your solution working, on a scale of one to ten?

·       What do you need to do to increase your chances to ten?

·       How will you know when you’ve succeeded?

If you’re dismissing the GROW model as ‘too basic’, remember that sometimes when we use tools we take for granted, we achieve the most surprising paradigm shifts!

  1. Put learning opportunities on a schedule.

Just as it’s essential to build structure into your coaching process, build it into your self-development and growth, too, so that you create growth habits that bring powerful results and open up new mindset shifts.

By ‘structure’, I mean building growth and development right into your schedule. Don’t leave it to chance!

Examples: Plan a semi-annual tune-up with your own mindset coach. Book these and put them in your schedule. Or get your assistant to sign you up for powerful, annual coaching events or a course presented by an organization committed to helping coaches elevate their games.

  1. Tackle your blind spots.

We may have no idea what’s holding us back until we change it – sometimes by accident. These areas often constitute emotional and physical ‘blind spots’; something you have always taken for granted as unchangeable or unimportant.

For example, one coach went to her doctor with headaches and jaw pain. He promptly referred her to an orthodontist, who convinced her to have surgery and wear braces for a year to correct the underlying jaw problem that was actually the root cause (no pun intended) of her malaise.

At first, she worried what her clients would think but soon found the braces led to meaningful conversations about making difficult choices, the pain of change, perceptions we have about others and ourselves, and so on.

Not only that but at the end of the transition period, she found herself much more mentally alert and feeling more energetic than ever with jaw pain she didn’t even know she had (and the headaches) a thing of the past.

Plus, she gained new confidence in her improved appearance.

Another coach was forced to tackle her inability to lose weight after a health scare when impending surgery made losing weight a priority. She reported that her need to lose the weight resulted in new insights and revelations into her own mindset issues. She learned acceptance of what she could not change, and successfully tackled adjusting her exercise, diet and sleep routine to achieve a more realistic and healthy body weight, instead of fixating on the super-model standard she had always beaten herself up for never attaining. She gained new confidence and energy from her improved diet and appearance.

So, what do you take for granted as impossible to change? Which circumstances, abilities, health issues, or the like do you find yourself making recurring excuses for?

As a coach, you already know that excuses are a clear indicator something is out of balance, so as soon as you identify those “blind spots”, put them on your list of challenges. Then take your first step toward tackling them, one at a time.

  1. Prime Your Brain

Always be on the lookout for mindset techniques that are new to you – ones you can use for the benefit of yourself as well as for clients.

In the realm of personal and professional development, the concept of “priming your brain” serves as a powerful catalyst for transformative change. It involves actively seeking and embracing novel mindset techniques that can not only enhance one’s cognitive functions but also contribute to overall well-being.

The commitment to staying vigilant for innovative approaches signifies a proactive engagement with mental fortitude and adaptability. By constantly exploring and adopting new methods, individuals not only expand their own horizons but also equip themselves with a diverse toolkit to assist others, such as clients or colleagues, on their journey of growth.

This continuous pursuit of fresh perspectives ensures a dynamic and resilient mindset, fostering creativity, problem-solving abilities, and emotional intelligence. In essence, the ongoing exploration of novel mindset techniques becomes a cornerstone for personal and professional success, creating a positive ripple effect that extends beyond individual boundaries.

Download the workbook for this article HERE.

(Stay tuned for Part 4 (last one) next month. Read Part 1 HERE. Read Part 2 HERE.)